What I want to do with my life

I guess after high school uni seems to be the next step in deciding what you would want to achieve with your life. But the thing is, I seem to have reached an impasse in deciding what I want to do with my future. Particularly because of my perspectives on work [see previous post] I just can't help but be very picky with what I want to do...

When I think about it, I can narrow down my inability to decide on a cause of action to two aspects' my innate inability to actually find an area to which I can wholeheartedly pursue and the fact that I can't balance my contentment with social expectations/responsibilities. If I was to be honest with myself, I think I can enjoy being a musician as it is so free and expressive. Yet at the same time, my lack of talent in this area + the fact I won't be able to get far in this area just seems to stifle any desire I have for such career fields. On the other hand, I just can't imagine myself in an office, doing a repetitive task which probably pertains me with the cash that I need, but bores the shit out of me... Guess I should look around the web.

Maybe a psychologist? But my ATAR was so bad...

Becoming a businessman sounds interesting but I have no innovative ideas at all. 

Like people say that you should look at your interests for an idea of what career path you should take... I have interests in gaming, english, music, basketball and hanging out with friends. But yeah, where can these interests take me?! English is a purely academic field which has none or little to offer in terms of monetary gain... What can I do?

Well since I've chosen to do a Bachelor of Arts, I decided to change my units to more... prospective units. Changed my study of ancient Greece to psychology which seems to be more useful in real life lol. Also changed one of my philosophy units to psychology. Means that right now, I can either major in Philosophy, Sociology or Psychology... hm...

I think I'll look up what kind of jobs there are available from a degree of Psychology... 

Life's work

Having just completed my HSC [Higher School Certificate], I recently acquired a casual job. Don't get me wrong, I'm very grateful to have it - the pay is pretty good and the atmosphere over there is REALLY nice. Like seriously, the people there basically make it a social outing and the building is quite impressive :) But what I have trouble with is the sheer repetitiveness of work. And that is what brings us to the topic of today... Work.

What is most confronting about having a full time job isn't the fact that I'm potentially stuck to doing the same things and meeting the same people everyday. The fact that it takes up a large portion of my time is what most concerns me. You see, at the moment, I have been scheduled to work full four days a week from 9-5. Potentially that means that I have to wake up at 7:30 as my workplace is in the city and that I wouldn't get home till 6 at the earliest. After dinner, I'm usually so tired that I can't do anything but lie on my bed completely exhausted... I don't want that to be how I spend the rest of my life. 

Despite that, I realise that there is no other way that I can live my life. A source of income in this day and age is a necessity, and having a full time job is the only practical way of achieving that goal. With this epiphany comes a great deal of respect for my parents. Having to do that everyday for the last 20-something years is no small feat and I cannot help but wonder how the rest of the world does something like that. I know that many people will point out that I'm whining about such a superficial problem as I live in a world where I do not need to worry about when my next meal is coming along or where I can sleep tonight. However, I just cannot push out of my head that having this type of life would make life... so pointless. The trappings of society that's how I see it. 

By the end of the day, I just can't find an answer to this dilemma that presented itself to me. Metaphorically, I feel like I'm in a corner with nowhere to go. Realistically, I realise that acceptance of this reality is inevitable. But I just cannot accept that life is encompassed by nothing more than your career and the monetary wealth that it brings... 

Once upon a time, there was a snitch...

Personally, having this topic as my first "offical" post in this blog is quite depressing. Like a lot of people in the world today, the thought that "I'm not perfect, but I'm not THAT flawed" was lodged in my head... till today.

You see, I'm the type of guy that likes to have deep and meaningful conversations. I strive to be the type of guy that people will go to when they have some sort of trouble that they need advice on. But it seems that... I'm just not that type of guy. Whatever some person tells me, I have this innate urge to tell someone else; specially to the people that are close to me. After my friend confronted me about snitching on him about various things that he told me, I realised that I just use the things that he told me to make conversation with other people. Like I know it sounds stupid, but in this moment of my life the people that I wish to be close to just seem to be drifting away and I cling to any method of creating conversation with them, no matter how futile it may seem.  I just didn't realise...

Maybe it's just the feeling of guilt that arises when one is caught red-handed, but I remember when my other friend's pointed out this flaw of mine - I just didn't take it into heart at all. But now... I realise the implications of my actions. Then again, the only reason that my friend found out about it in the first place is probably because the friends that I confide in probably told him... it seems like a ruthless circle. Maybe this is what people call gossiping. It certainly feels like I've screwed up.
While writing this, I decided that I'm not going to run away. To put it mildly, the friend in question is known for his rather... fierce personality. The crude text messages that I recieved from him are a testimony to that. As such, I had thoughts of avoiding him for a while; to let things cool down for a bit. Or maybe it's just the drama queen in me wanting to have a dramatic moment... But anyway, it's clear that I'm in the wrong and that there's nothing I can do to undo the past. Rather, I think I should just be brave and apologise to him in person. A couple of colorful insults are expected, plus maybe a few punches... but I guess it's something to do. [Plus the cynical side of me is realising the morally superior ground that I would be in if I apologise publicly haha.] So I just need to swallow my pride and just get it over with... wish me luck.

Well, I decided that I'm going to make (a rather late) new year's resolution; that I would become the most trustworthy friend a person may ever have, and that I won't betray someone's trust again.

About Mindless Musings

Hello there :)

"Mindless Musings" is going to become a place where I can just unload my own perceptions/opinions on certain things. Over the years, I have often found myself deep in thought; sometimes even to the point that I would just stare in space, contemplating on a certain dillema. For myself, this can be a testimony to how I have changed over the years and a record of past thoughts. For others, this can be an opportunity to take a peek into how I see the world and give their own personal insights into whatever I bring up [hence constructive comments are welcome].

I hope you enjoy your stay and I'll do my best to keep this blog updated!

Yours,

Jay