Personally, having this topic as my first "offical" post in this blog is quite depressing. Like a lot of people in the world today, the thought that "I'm not perfect, but I'm not THAT flawed" was lodged in my head... till today.
You see, I'm the type of guy that likes to have deep and meaningful conversations. I strive to be the type of guy that people will go to when they have some sort of trouble that they need advice on. But it seems that... I'm just not that type of guy. Whatever some person tells me, I have this innate urge to tell someone else; specially to the people that are close to me. After my friend confronted me about snitching on him about various things that he told me, I realised that I just use the things that he told me to make conversation with other people. Like I know it sounds stupid, but in this moment of my life the people that I wish to be close to just seem to be drifting away and I cling to any method of creating conversation with them, no matter how futile it may seem. I just didn't realise...
Maybe it's just the feeling of guilt that arises when one is caught red-handed, but I remember when my other friend's pointed out this flaw of mine - I just didn't take it into heart at all. But now... I realise the implications of my actions. Then again, the only reason that my friend found out about it in the first place is probably because the friends that I confide in probably told him... it seems like a ruthless circle. Maybe this is what people call gossiping. It certainly feels like I've screwed up.
While writing this, I decided that I'm not going to run away. To put it mildly, the friend in question is known for his rather... fierce personality. The crude text messages that I recieved from him are a testimony to that. As such, I had thoughts of avoiding him for a while; to let things cool down for a bit. Or maybe it's just the drama queen in me wanting to have a dramatic moment... But anyway, it's clear that I'm in the wrong and that there's nothing I can do to undo the past. Rather, I think I should just be brave and apologise to him in person. A couple of colorful insults are expected, plus maybe a few punches... but I guess it's something to do. [Plus the cynical side of me is realising the morally superior ground that I would be in if I apologise publicly haha.] So I just need to swallow my pride and just get it over with... wish me luck.
While writing this, I decided that I'm not going to run away. To put it mildly, the friend in question is known for his rather... fierce personality. The crude text messages that I recieved from him are a testimony to that. As such, I had thoughts of avoiding him for a while; to let things cool down for a bit. Or maybe it's just the drama queen in me wanting to have a dramatic moment... But anyway, it's clear that I'm in the wrong and that there's nothing I can do to undo the past. Rather, I think I should just be brave and apologise to him in person. A couple of colorful insults are expected, plus maybe a few punches... but I guess it's something to do. [Plus the cynical side of me is realising the morally superior ground that I would be in if I apologise publicly haha.] So I just need to swallow my pride and just get it over with... wish me luck.
Well, I decided that I'm going to make (a rather late) new year's resolution; that I would become the most trustworthy friend a person may ever have, and that I won't betray someone's trust again.
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